On the clock part 2

So last time i was talking about being comfortable with how i am which isn't the stereotypical 20 something. And i shared a few funny pictures of me at work. Oh yes i got paid to do all that. 

And well i left it all on a bit of a cliff hanger telling you there was a reason i do all those things. Well here it is.


*big breath in*


I want a child. 

The big bio clock is set to alarm and its getting pretty hard to ignore it.
Yes i know about the practicalities and yes i know that in my current position there is no way i would be able to financially support another life. 
These are all things that i have constantly going around in my mind like a whirlwind.
In one direction I've got the totally emotional crippling need (yes I'm saying need) to have a child and the other direction I've got the reality kick back of the logistical side of actually having a child. 

One of my best friends of all time has just had a child who is gorgeous and i see as much as possible (probably not helping the situation i know) but every where i look I have the constant reminder that i 1. Don't have a child and 2. My medical state may mean that either i cant ever get pregnant or that it will be very difficult.


Now to explain the above. I'm not looking to hold myself a pity party. I've cried long enough and come to terms with everything so here are the facts.


When i was 13 i was diagnosed with Endometriosis. At 13 i was told that i was either going to be infertile or have difficulties becoming pregnant. The plot thickened when later that year i became sick (see here for previous rant/post about that time). I now have Pernicious Anemia which is where the body cant absorb Iron from food or supplements meaning that the red blood cells cant carry oxygen around the body. I now have to have Iron injected every 10 weeks and believe me when i say you cant feel the difference when i'm coming up to needed topping up. I get out of breath really easily (obviously as my blood cant carry as much oxygen as it doesn't have anything to attach to) but this has also meant that this would cause even more difficulties falling pregnant. Again i'm not looking for a pity party. I've come to accept the way things are like anyone else with a long term illness.


So yes my biological clock as you might be able to tell is not a friend when it starts going into overtime.

Does it make me a bad person to want to have a child now even though its not financially feasible? 
My parents did it and constantly say that you can never truly save for a child.


The need (yes im saying it again) to have a child is so great that I've even started dreaming about having a child. Not very nice dreams. According to a very large alcoholic drink and a sit down to calm the nerves my brain is relating the terror i have of never being able to have children. NOT HELPFUL BRAIN!


Not what i need to see thanks.


Why does the brain cause such disturbances? For fun? To get an endorphin kick?


Anyone else have this happen to them?


It can't just be me can it?


Feedback is greatly appreciated from anyone. Even if its just to say shut up and deal.  

On the clock

Hello everyone.


I've always been described as two things when I've pinned people down to describe me. Entertaining (dont know what i think about this particular description but its very common) and older in mind than body.


Well yeah i can understand that. I don't go out drinking very often and if i do its a few drinks with my boyfriend down the pub, with a couple of games of pool and then back to cuddle on the sofa. I hate clubbing. I actually HATE it. Now i don't use the word lightly. I've tried it. I've gone to lots of different types and i hate it.
I hate the loud music with no beat or all beat, strobe lights, scantly clad drunken girls rubbing against either each other or equally drunk guy who just wants to cop a feel.

i hope they are really good friends or some serious questions in the morning me thinks.

No its not my thing. Plus i don't dance (zumba doesn't count) so i'm always the dedicated drink/handbag/coat/seat watcher.
Also apparently another exercise people my age (i sound so old) partake in is sleeping with anything that moves. Male, female they dont particularly care as long as they can get their pants off their game.
I've been in a relationship with the same guy for nearly 5 years and he was my first. My dad is not pleased as he was hoping that i would inherit some of his rock and roll lifestyle even if it was so they he could share in some of the fun (not in a perverted way more in a laughing at your daughter who's fallen asleep curled around the toilet and 'accidently' smoking all her weed etc)
Drugs. Also something i do not partake in unlike someone i knew who was a professional dancer who took coke every weekend.


So instead of 'living it up' and 'partying it down' im at home cross stitching (im not kidding but its really cool and for my sisters birthday. I'll upload finished photos to prove it) reading and baking.


But for fun i do have a bit of a wild side. here is a few pics from 2 events we held at work i hope you will enjoy.

Being introduced just to make sure i didn't kill a kid

I'm a little tea pot

Ta da

Gruffalo got attitude

Who me? Masiy mouse

Anyone there?

And to think i get paid to do that. The gruffalo was VERY HOT!!! but fun and surprisingly comfortable (considering im wearing a massive fat suit, held together by hoops, fur feet/legging things, fur gloves, fur suit and head) but very difficult to get in and out of unassisted. The head was clipped on at the back of the suit which i couldn't reach. I couldn't really see much because where i could see was the mouth and the feet where massive. But maisy mouse. It was horrible. First of all you have to wear these pants which the tail poppers onto. Then a padded fat suit on top which the trousers popper onto. Then the padded top. All which the tail had to be threaded through. Then the head which to get on you had to turn your head sideways and then clip across your chest and under your arms as a harness which you cant get on properly because you have to do it with the rest of the suit on. Finally fur gloves and feet. I can only see about the size of an orange at the end of the nose. Not even the whole thing :S

P.S i'm only 5 foot 2.5 so i'm dwarfed by anything.

So why did i do this?

Next time i think. Too long and too boring. Please leave comments. They really mean a lot to me :D

Peace and furry love out :D

  

Rain

I'm British and proud of it :D

OK not crazy, flag waving, t shirt wearing, slogan shouting, umbrella toting proud but closet proud.

So its a good thing that i love the rain.

Its a common joke that in the UK it rains all the time and well yes the majority of the year it does.

The past few weeks the weather has been well odd.

Blazing hot, earth scorching heat 

and then torrential down pour.

As i work full time i find it very annoying when its sunny as I'm stuck inside. Especially when customers come in and say things like 'I'ts so hot outside' or 'It's so nice outside' 

Yes i know hahahaha make fun of the girl working inside all day that now has to serve your fat ass that really shouldn't be wearing a tank top or legging's instead of trousers. HATE THAT! 

Legging's are never an excuse to not wear a skirt or trousers. They are not an alternative. 

Anyway I'm getting side tracked. 

So you could say I'm not a fan of the heat and sun. I'm very pail too so i always burn even with factor 50+ sun tan lotion. and even then i don't tan i go red back to white again, with lots of freckles. Which i don't mind. They are beautiful and as my grandma always told me 'Every freckle is from where an angel kissed you' so apparently I'm the angel version of crack :D

But then the heat is broken but the wonderful phenomenon of rain. It changes everything.

The smell of the rain and the wet earth is intoxicating ( i hate the smell of rain in built up areas aka London), the trees collect and thrive on it, the world is distorted into this magical shimmering place, even rainbows are caused by the rain. I love it all. Especially walking in the rain. Its refreshing and always makes me feel better. 

There is also the wonderful thing of sitting inside watching  the rain with a cup of hot chocolate wrapped in a blanket, which is even better if your drenched and are slowly warming up. LOVE IT!   

Rain i have found will also cause adults to revert back into children, jumping into massive puddles. 

So walk, dance, run in the rain. It amazing, and you never know how many times you'll get to do it again.

Love out :D